Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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