oh god the rape fog is back!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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