im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
