we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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