omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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