Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
