there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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