Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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