Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
