Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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