Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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