my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
