Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
