I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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