Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
