you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
wow bdsm is so cute
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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