Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Randomize
