I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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