Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
