don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
