I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
