dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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