and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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