Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
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5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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