apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
