in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
