It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
