just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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