OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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