you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
