I have demons in me.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
