I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
