Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Houston, we have a squirter
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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