She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
