you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
