guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
