How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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