Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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