I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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