Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
