Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
