I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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