What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
