Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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