I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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