Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
