Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
