You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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