The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
