He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
