there's paper in my vomit.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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