New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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