Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
