We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
