uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
