So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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