I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
