I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
