doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
