So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I need to align my fucking chakras
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
