Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
