it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
