You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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